Answering An Annoying Question

One of the more annoying questions I know is “Did you bring enough for everybody?” Teachers used to ask it in school when I brought a special treat for my lunch. As an adult people have asked it when they want some food thing I had they weren’t bright enough to pack for themselves. The answer in most all cases is “No.” If I had enough for everybody I’d be feeding the Third World. Mostly what I’m trying to do is have a quiet lunch without someone trying to make me feel guilty.

I’ve noticed no one ever asks the question when a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is involved. No one has ever asked me for bologna or salami with peppercorns and no one has ever, ever asked to share my broccoli. I’ve only been asked when there’s something with sugar or chocolate (usually both) involved.

I finally hit on an answer that was both yes and no and stopped the question. It was over chocolate chip cookies. For a while I was a 2nd shift supervisor in a union shop. One night at break time most of the guys headed down to the lunchroom. I went to the office we had on the shop floor, grabbed a few cookies from my bag and started checking batch tickets. I heard a noise by the door and looked up to see one of the higher maintenance employees – a guy who would continually hide behind the union to do the least amount of work possible and still have a job. He looked at the cookies on the desk and asked the inevitable question, “Did you bring enough for everybody?”

I knew I wasn’t going to give him any but to answer ’no’ would have been too easy. I wanted something more definitive. “Well,” I said, “these things tend to give me gas so, in a way, I will be sharing them with everyone before the shift is over.”

I can’t quite describe the look on his face but he didn’t dawdle in the office. Later in the shift I found him out of his work area and asked if he wanted his share of the cookies now. He went right back to work. In fact, I think it was one of his more productive evenings. And he never asked me to share food again.

Babysitting

My niece used to lie to us during the few times Pat and I would watch her in the mornings before dropping her at afternoon kindergarten. They were kid lies and fairly easy to see through. They went something like this:

“My mom says I can eat all the candy I want and if you don’t let me, I’ll tell and you’ll be in trouble.”

Another was,

“My mom said I don’t need to take naps because I don’t get crabby.”

And

“My mom said I’m so far ahead I don’t need to go to school today.”

I think you get the idea; she was a handful, especially for people who weren’t used to kids up close. I won’t say she’s the reason Pat and I waited a few years to start our family but I think there was a contributing factor. We needed time to prepare.

A Computer Sing-A-Long

Down by the old mail stream
where I first met you
with your eyes so blew
you were sixteen, that bill each green
down by the old mail stream

My computer came with a voice recognition program. The words above were from part of an old song that goes:

Down by the old mill stream
Where I first met you
With your eyes so blue
You were sixteen, the village queen
Down by the old mill stream

One of us is going to have to work on our diction.

Spell check isn’t helping much either.

An Age Old Question

I know the answer to one of the questions philosophers have been asking for years. Actually, I’ve known the answer for a while now and I’m thinking it’s time to share. Like many of my life revelations, this happened as I was driving. My kids were younger and in the back seat going at it trying to stump each other with questions, each designed to show they were smarter than the sibling. I usually tuned this part out but somewhere in the din I heard Chris ask his sister, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?”

In exasperation Kate said, “I don’t know . . . the egg.”

Jeff piped up, “That’s right. Dinosaurs were laying eggs a long time before there were chickens.”

There you have it, a simple answer to an age old question. Sometimes, if we listen, I think kids tell us things teachers forgot to mention in school.

Turn Signals

Bernie the Bull

Photo Attached

I'm attaching a photo you can use as wallpaper.  There's a game involved.  Pull the photo up to full screen, sit in your chair and slowly lean forward.  You will be going faster than I was for most of the three hours it took to drive the 25 miles from Chanhassen to South St Paul.  If you play the game for the full three hours I did you'll be able to make a grocery list, reflect on the meaning of life, sing every song you know twice and roll through all of the radio stations your vehicle can receive, each one telling you you're screwed.  It's a fun game.