Answering An Annoying Question

One of the more annoying questions I know is “Did you bring enough for everybody?” Teachers used to ask it in school when I brought a special treat for my lunch. As an adult people have asked it when they want some food thing I had they weren’t bright enough to pack for themselves. The answer in most all cases is “No.” If I had enough for everybody I’d be feeding the Third World. Mostly what I’m trying to do is have a quiet lunch without someone trying to make me feel guilty.

I’ve noticed no one ever asks the question when a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is involved. No one has ever asked me for bologna or salami with peppercorns and no one has ever, ever asked to share my broccoli. I’ve only been asked when there’s something with sugar or chocolate (usually both) involved.

I finally hit on an answer that was both yes and no and stopped the question. It was over chocolate chip cookies. For a while I was a 2nd shift supervisor in a union shop. One night at break time most of the guys headed down to the lunchroom. I went to the office we had on the shop floor, grabbed a few cookies from my bag and started checking batch tickets. I heard a noise by the door and looked up to see one of the higher maintenance employees – a guy who would continually hide behind the union to do the least amount of work possible and still have a job. He looked at the cookies on the desk and asked the inevitable question, “Did you bring enough for everybody?”

I knew I wasn’t going to give him any but to answer ’no’ would have been too easy. I wanted something more definitive. “Well,” I said, “these things tend to give me gas so, in a way, I will be sharing them with everyone before the shift is over.”

I can’t quite describe the look on his face but he didn’t dawdle in the office. Later in the shift I found him out of his work area and asked if he wanted his share of the cookies now. He went right back to work. In fact, I think it was one of his more productive evenings. And he never asked me to share food again.